Guys, I am deunk
Let’s answer questions
Let’s answer questions
After we took Koda to obedience class, the lady said no more sleeping in the bed. So we will let him sleep on the futon outside the room, but because the door is shut he acts out and fucks shit up. And more recently he got on this medicine for his allergies that was making him severely incontinent. Peeing & pooping everywhere on the floor. So we started keeping him in the crate overnight because he never seems to do it in there.
Just to paint a little picture here, the morning routine goes like this at Kayla’s: wake up, take Koda to pee, feed and water Koda, lay back down, get up, take Koda to poop. And if you take too long between walking out the bedroom and getting him outside he will piss everywhere.
He’s been doing really well overnight in the crate. No accidents on the floor to cleanup. Sweet relief. Sunday morning I get up, take him to pee, and just leave the leash on him because I know I’m gonna take him out to poop later (Kayla got really drunk after work the night before so I knew I was taking him both times lol) and I can just grab the leash and go. Minimizing the time he has to pee on the floor.
HOWEVER. I go back out to take him to poop and see pee AND poop on the floor. It hadn’t even been 45 minutes! And I go to grab the leash and it’s not on him. Like the metal clip was still attached to his slip chain but the leash was gone and I was like, “dammit” !!! So I go to look for the leash. Can’t find it anywhere.
Only conclusion is that he ate it. He ate the entire fucking six foot leather leash.
So I’m trippin’ balls. I’m over here like “oh god he’s gonna DIE if we don’t take him to the doggie hospital”. I’m googling for answers (surprisingly dogs eat a lot of bad things. Hilarious.) and ultimately decide he’s going to be okay. We go about our Sunday, and Kayla goes home from work (while I’m still there) and says “we have a perfectly healthy baby boy. He’s alive.” She said his poops were normal, which was mind-boggling because usually when Koda eats bad things (tampons, q-tips, the lid to the blender, shoes, etc.) he has some pretty gnarly ass-plosions. I surmise that maybe he DIDN’T eat the leash and he just hid it somewhere, even though I searched high and low.
Fast forward to today. I dropped Kayla off at school, and as I’m getting my stuff together to head home I notice Koda doing some weird things. Whimpering. Getting up and laying down frequently. Next thing I know, he throws up literally the largest pile of dog vomit I’ve ever seen and guess what’s sticking out of it??
Part of the damn leash.
Damn. What a beautiful human. Loved his Oscar acceptance speech.
Most days, I can deal with people and keep my snarky, sassy retorts to a minimum. Today was not one of those days.
First table was a man who complained about literally everything from the get-go. “She (points to hostess) didn’t know ANYTHING about your happy hour” I said “well she’s literally been here two weeks give her a break”. Then, when I told him how much wings were on happy hour, he said “THAT’S the happy hour price?” I said “sure is. Take it or leave it.”. I bring out the wings, he says “these are the SMALLEST wings I’ve ever seen in my life” I said “your WHOLE life?!” and asked if he needed anything else. He said “I think you should bring me some more wings because these are too small.” I said “I can bring you four more for $2.99”. Then he complained about people being too loud and like JUST PAY YOUR FIVE DOLLARS AND GET OUT!!!
Then, a table of four men who were drinking sweet tea like it was their JOB sat down. Drop the food off. Come back with refills. One guy says “thought they were gonna send the search and rescue for ya!” I said “what on earth for?” he said “some sweet tea!” I looked at the non-existent watch on my wrist and said “well literally 30 seconds ago when I dropped off your food I said I’d be right back with a refill and I couldn’t very well do that with an empty pitcher so I had to refill it. Can I get you anything else?”
This man, after much debate, ordered a plate that included a tostada. Stopped me and said, “why would you sell this? The tostada tastes like a nasty dorito” and I said “good taste buds man, we ran out of real tostadas so we went next door to taco bell and got some of their dorito taco shells.” Personally I thought this one was pretty funny. He didn’t laugh.
Then our power went out for an hour and I got stiffed by the table I had because they were mad they had to “wait so long for their payment to process”. OH SORRY it’s totally my fault that transformer blew and that I have to wait in line to manually run your card with our crash kit. GTFO.
So that was my night at work. To make it better I bought my girl some pretty flowers and left them in her windshield with a note and some red velvet cookies. It made me feel better. Also, I’m home and watching The Voice and I have the next two days off and I’m going to see Wicked tomorrow and I’m pretty much A-OK now. Sometimes work just sucks the joy right out of me.